I was sitting in the car this morning, looked in the mirror and bam – noticed my eyelashes were actually kinda long. Got me thinking… why do guys have longer lashes? Seems backwards, right? Girls are always messing with mascara and fake lashes. So I decided to dig into it myself.
What I Actually Did
Started simple. Grabbed a ruler from my junk drawer – the one that’s sticky from who-knows-what. Measured my own eyelashes while my wife laughed at me. Then measured hers. Mine were definitely longer! Okay, one data point. Needed more.
Next up: Operation Family Photo Album. Pulled out old pictures. Looked at my dad, my uncles, my brother… then at my mom, aunts, sister. Same pattern. Even in my buddy’s engagement pics – his lashes were clearly longer than his fiancée’s. Weird.
Went full backyard scientist mode:
- Tried comparing lash growth watching my own face for weeks? Pointless. Can’t see day-to-day change.
- Asked the wife to measure my lashes versus hers once a week? She lasted one try before calling it “dumbest chore ever.”
- Googled like crazy? Found lots of opinions, zero actual proof for most of them. Dead ends everywhere.
The Realization (And My Wife’s Genius)
Was stuck. Then my wife, while doing her mascara, goes: “Just think about guy stuff, dummy. You know, like beards?” Lightbulb moment.
She didn’t need rulers or photo albums. She pointed out the obvious: Guys grow thicker, darker body hair than girls do because of that guy juice (you know, testosterone). Our eyelashes are just… more hair! Same reason her leg hair is fine and mine looks like a hedgehog if I skip shaving.
Deeper dive showed this: Follicle density – how many little hair factories are packed in – seems similar near the eyes for both guys and girls. BUT! Those factories in guys? They pump out hair that’s stronger, grows thicker, and often longer because of testosterone. It’s programmed to build tougher stuff. It’s not about needing extra protection or having more lashes necessarily; it’s about what each tiny factory makes.
Her simple “think beards” comment made way more sense than my ruler experiments. The science actually backed her up too – our hormones literally shape the kind of hair that grows all over, including those little lashes. Girls have fine body hair, thinner eyebrows often, thinner lashes usually. Guys? Tend towards coarser everything. Made perfect sense.
Lost a whole afternoon down this rabbit hole. Measured lashes, annoyed my wife, learned more about follicles than I ever wanted to know. Still wonder why evolution wired us this way. Maybe tougher lashes protected cavemen hunters from dust better? Who knows. But yeah, guys have longer lashes usually because testosterone tells our hair factories to build heavy-duty. Simple as that. Forgot to eat lunch doing this. Totally worth it.