How I Started Spotting Narcissistic Women
Got curious about narcissism after my buddy Dave got totally wrecked by his ex. She drained his bank account during their divorce then showed up at his birthday party uninvited – made this big scene about how lonely she felt. I thought, “Damn, there’s gotta be warning signs before things get this bad.” So I decided to watch out for patterns in people around me.
My Observation Method
First, I made a list of women in my life – coworkers, friends, even my annoying neighbor. Started keeping notes on my phone whenever something felt off. Like when Linda from accounting hijacked Sarah’s promotion announcement by talking about her own job for 20 minutes straight. Or when Maya ghosted our entire friend group after we couldn’t fund her Bali trip.
Over three months, I tracked interactions at parties, coffee chats, even social media behavior. Every time someone pinged my narcissism radar, I wrote down what happened verbatim. Collected over 50 examples before sorting them into patterns.
The 10 Red Flags That Kept Popping Up
- Conversation hijacking: Every discussion becomes about them. Mention your sick mom? Suddenly they had it worse.
- Zero accountability: That project failure? Always someone else’s fault. Never their mistakes.
- Social media obsession: Posting 15 filtered selfies daily and demanding likes.
- Backhanded compliments: “You’re brave wearing that dress at your size!” type crap.
- Boundary stomping: Calling at 3am for non-emergencies after you said not to.
- Scorekeeping relationships: “I drove you last Tuesday so you owe me this weekend.”
- False victimhood: Playing martyr when confronted with their behavior.
- Constant admiration seeking: Fishing for compliments about every damn thing.
- Targeting empathetic people: Leeching onto kind folks who tolerate more crap.
- Exaggerated achievements: Turning small wins into Nobel Prize-level accomplishments.
Real-World Testing
Tried calling out behaviors subtly to see reactions. When Janet bragged for the tenth time about her “viral” TikTok (47 views), I said: “Must feel weird putting so much work into something few people see.” She exploded about “haters not understanding her art” – classic narcissistic injury response.
Another test: Stopped giving attention to drama stories. Their stories got wilder and louder until they just gave up and found another audience. Saw this at Jake’s BBQ – when nobody reacted to Stacy’s “emergency” story about her spa appointment, she actually followed the catering staff around repeating it.
What This Practice Changed
Spotting these traits saved me big time. Last month met this smoking hot woman at a concert. Was totally into her until she spent 40 minutes criticizing the outfits of every woman nearby while dropping “subtle” hints about her designer dress. Remembered my notes – walked away before getting her number. Felt like dodging a bullet.
Still keep adding to my list though. Yesterday noticed a new pattern: Narcissistic women often ruin group photos by repositioning everyone to center themselves. My buddy’s wedding pics proved it – same woman in 12 different shots, always dead center with that fake princess smile.