Man, let me tell you about my wild Tuesday last week. That day was pure chaos, basically my whole second puberty hitting me like a truck. Started totally “normal” – spilled coffee on my keyboard before 9 AM and snapped at the intern because they asked where the stapler was. Didn’t even say sorry immediately, just kinda grunted. My head was buzzing and my skin felt too tight, like wearing clothes two sizes small. Know that feeling? Absolutely miserable.
How It Went Down
Felt this weird energy building since breakfast – shaky hands, weird pressure behind my eyes. Ignored it, like always. Powered through emails until lunch. That’s when the dam broke. The cafeteria lady put pickles on my sandwich even though I specifically asked none. Boom. Full-on, can’t-breathe rage bubble exploded inside my chest. Yelled? More like screeched loud enough heads turned. Slammed the tray down, pickles flew everywhere, stomped back to my desk feeling like an idiot but also weirdly justified. Classic meltdown mode.
What I Tried (and Failed At)
Sat fuming, tried breathing exercises from some app. Big, deep breaths? Yeah, right. Felt like suffocating. Got dizzy instead of calm. Tried smelling lavender oil someone recommended – smelled like cheap perfume and made my headache worse. Paced around, tried thinking happy thoughts… thought about puppies, then suddenly remembered stepping in dog poop last Tuesday and got mad all over again. Pointless.
The Stuff That Actually Worked (No Kidding)
Finally remembered something I’d read. Okay, three things. I was desperate enough to try anything.
- Cold Shock, Baby: Went straight to the office bathroom sink. Filled it with cold water – icy, make-your-hands-numb cold. Dunked my whole face right in, held it. Fifteen seconds. Came up gasping. That buzzing pressure? Gone. Just pure shock. Mind wiped clean like a whiteboard. Felt human again for the first time all day.
- Word Vomit on Paper: Grabbed the first scrap paper I saw – an old meeting agenda. Didn’t think. Just scribbled down EVERYTHING. “Hate pickles. Screwed up report. Janet’s perfume stinks. Loud chewers disgusting. Why am I like this? So tired. Want to cry. Stupid shirt itchy.” Pure nonsense, angry chicken scratch. Filled the whole page. Tore it up right after and trashed it. Sounds silly? Felt like dumping rotten garbage out of my brain. Instant weight off my shoulders.
- The Sneaky Breath Trick: Not the deep-breathing nonsense. This one: Find a long word. Any word. Mine was “Constantinople”. Breathe IN slowly, counting to 4. Hold… count to 2. Then breathe OUT while silently spelling the whole damn word in your head: “C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-I-N-O-P-L-E”. Out slowly. Focused just hard enough on spelling it to drown out the junk thoughts. Did it three times. Actually slowed my racing heart. No fancy meditation pose needed.
Result? Went back to my desk feeling… manageable. Told the intern “Sorry about the stapler thing, had a rough moment.” They just nodded. Kept the cold water trick handy the rest of the week – kept a spray bottle with ice water at my desk. Spritz the face in emergencies. Not elegant, but hey, stopped two other meltdowns before they blew up. Still had mood swings later that week, obviously. But knowing I have stuff that actually helps, without needing a therapist on speed dial or weird supplements? Huge difference. It’s not magic, just basic tools that finally work for this weird body stuff. Good days, bad days, but fewer atomic meltdowns, thank god.