How This All Started
Okay, so I gotta be honest – my dating life was straight-up depressing. I’d get ready for dates feeling hopeful, then end up sitting there wishing I could disappear into the couch cushions. Felt like I was doing everything “right” but still getting ghosted or stuck in that awkward “let’s just be friends” zone. So one Tuesday night, after another dude faded out mid-convo, I slammed my laptop shut and went FULL detective mode. Seriously, I was DONE with generic “just be yourself!” crap.
The Terrible Advice Phase (Don’t Do This)
Started googling like a madwoman. Found those slick “Get Him Obsessed!” articles telling me to:
- Play hard to get: Waited hours to reply, acted all mysterious. Felt SO fake and awkward. One guy literally texted “You good? Your replies feel like pulling teeth.” Embarrassing.
- Over-compliment: Tried showering this one guy with praise about his mediocre guitar skills after our coffee date. His face? Total confusion. Like “Lady, I just strummed three chords.” Fumbled so bad.
- Mirror his body language: Leaned in when he leaned, crossed my arms when he did… felt like a creepy stalker parrot. He kept subtly scooting back. Yeah. Epic fail.
The Lightbulb Moment (Actually Useful Stuff)
After facepalming hard at my own cringe, I shifted gears. Dumped the “rules” and focused on stuff that felt REAL:
- Stopped pretending interest: Seriously. If he talked about golf stats for 20 mins and my eyes glazed over? I changed the topic politely instead of forcing an impressed smile. MAGICALLY, convos got way better.
- Asked weirdly specific questions: Swapped “What do you do?” for “What made you pick that career? Was there a ‘holy crap this is it!’ moment?” Dudes lit up! One guy spent 10 mins passionately describing his chaotic shift from finance to baking sourdough.
- Owned my quirks EARLY: Told a guy before meeting that I get overly excited about conspiracy theories involving abandoned malls. He showed up with printed satellite images of a dead mall near his house “for research.” We laughed for an hour.
What Actually Worked (No BS)
The real shift? Forgetting about “attracting” and just aiming for a vibe check:
- Focused on my own fun: Picked date spots I genuinely liked first – a noisy arcade bar over some stiff “impressive” restaurant. If I was relaxed and giggling, they relaxed too. Shocking!
- Listened way harder: Actually absorbed what they said instead of planning my next response. Asked follow-ups that dug deeper (“You said your sister moved abroad – how’s your Mom handling that?”). Felt way more human.
- Walked away FAST if needed: Stopped dragging out convos with guys who gave one-word answers or seemed bored. Saved SO much time and energy for better matches.
Where I’m At Now
It ain’t perfect. Still get ghosted sometimes. BUT. Went on a date last week where we talked non-stop for 4 hours about dumb childhood fears and weird travel nightmares. Zero pretense. Zero games. Planned a second date before dessert even arrived. Forget “attractive.” Aim for AUTHENTIC. It’s less exhausting and way more fun. Who knew?