Okay so I was deep in this talking stage thing with someone for like three months, feeling totally stuck. We texted all day every day, had these amazing vibes going, but man I was tired of feeling like we were spinning wheels without actually dating. So I decided to figure out how long this talking stage nonsense should even last.
What I actually did step by step
First I pulled up my laptop and searched “how long talking stage” like a crazy person. Found this dating coach named Cheryl advising people that if you don’t have the exclusivity talk by six to eight weeks, you’re basically just pen pals wasting time.
I also watched this therapist on social media who was super blunt: “If they can’t commit after ten dates, walk away.” Made my anxiety spike big time.
Then I took notes like a nerd:
- Checked my calendar: we’d been talking for 12 weeks
- Counted actual dates: only six real meetups
- Realized we never discussed future plans. Like ever.
How it played out in real life
Armed with the expert timelines, I asked them straight up: “Where do you see this going?” during coffee last Wednesday. They got all flustered saying stuff like “let’s see where it goes” and “no pressure.”
That’s when I remembered what the therapist said about vague answers. Felt scary as hell but I was dead honest: “Six dates in three months feels like friends to me. I’m looking for more.”
The messy ending (and why it’s okay)
We hugged awkwardly and ghosted each other for a week. Then yesterday they finally texted: “Can we keep things casual?”
So I did what the experts would’ve told me to do. I ended it. Felt terrible for five minutes, then weirdly free afterward. Wasted three months, but learned two killer rules:
- Give it max two months to get serious or bounce
- If they dodge the “what are we” talk twice – peace out
Don’t be me and hang on forever. Clock’s ticking the second you start crushing.