Alright folks, today’s record is super personal, but I figure if it helps even one person, it’s worth sharing. It’s about that gnawing feeling – gender envy. You know, seeing someone else rocking their gender expression and feeling this sharp pang of “Why can’t that be me?”. Used to eat me up inside, felt like I was stuck in the wrong skin half the time. So, I decided to tackle it head-on. Here’s how it went down.
The Start – Feeling Stuck and Messy
It started small, then got crazy loud. Scrolling feeds, walking down the street, even just watching shows… bam! I’d see someone – hairstyle, clothes, confidence, the whole vibe – and get hit with this intense mix of longing and frustration. Felt totally unfair. I’d stew on it for hours, comparing myself, feeling shabby, getting irritated. It was draining my energy and making me anxious going out. Knew I had to do something different.
Digging In & Trying Stuff Out
Didn’t have a magic plan, just started experimenting bit by bit. Here’s what actually worked based on my fumbles and wins:
- Tip 1: Name the Beast. First thing I changed? Stopping myself mid-envy spiral and literally saying out loud (or in my head), “Okay, that’s envy. Right now.” Simple, right? But holy crap, just giving it a name instead of letting it be this vague bad feeling took away some of its power. Felt less like it was controlling me.
- Tip 2: Get Specific, Not General. Instead of just wallowing in “I wish I looked like them,” I started asking myself what exactly about them pinged the envy? Was it that one killer jacket? The way they moved? A specific hairstyle color? Pinpointing one tiny thing made it feel less overwhelming and more like something I could maybe… play with myself? Even if I couldn’t have it all, maybe I could have that cool detail.
- Tip 3: Borrow a Little. This was the game-changer for me. Once I spotted the specific thing I envied, I experimented with incorporating a tiny piece of it into my own thing. Saw someone rocking a short, textured haircut? Tried a shorter style than I normally would. Loved someone’s oversized shirt look? Dug out one old oversized shirt I never wore and paired it with my usual jeans. Didn’t aim to copy, just to borrow a flavor that felt good. Some stuff felt stupid, some felt amazing. Trial and error, folks.
- Tip 4: Flip the Script on Admiration. This was hard but powerful. When envy hit, I forced myself to consciously shift the thought. Instead of “I hate that I don’t have that,” I tried “Damn, they look incredible! Good for them.” Sounds cheesy? Yeah, maybe. But forcing that small mental flip – acknowledging their style without putting myself down – slowly started making the envy less sharp. It became more about appreciating coolness in the world rather than feeling lacking myself.
Where It’s At Now
It’s not perfect. Envy still pops up sometimes. But man, it’s different. Knowing I have these tools – naming it, breaking it down, borrowing small bits, and trying to appreciate – takes the sting away. It doesn’t ruin my day anymore. I spend more time figuring out what feels genuinely me and less time feeling bad about not being someone else. Feeling way more grounded in my own skin these days. Took practice, still takes practice, but totally worth the effort.
