My Messy First Try
Honestly? Felt super awkward starting this “joyful relationship” stuff. Saw this list of 7 behaviors online, seemed simple enough. Figured, why not? My partner just kinda raised an eyebrow when I said I was gonna “practice joyful psychology.” Started simple, real simple.
First day, picked the “Notice Good Stuff” one. Set a reminder on my phone: “Notice something good!”. Lunchtime rolled around, partner microwaved some leftovers. Tried it: “Hey, uh… thanks for heating up that pasta?” Sounded more like a question than appreciation. Felt stupid. They just nodded like “okay… weirdo.” Not exactly the warm fuzzy moment I pictured.
Actually Putting In The Work
Next day, went for “Listen, Like, Actually Listen.” Partner started talking about their annoying coworker Brenda. Usually, I just grunt “hmm” while scrolling my phone. This time? Plonked the phone down face-up on the table. Looked at them. Didn’t interrupt once about Brenda’s stupid TPS reports. Just… nodded. Boom. Partner paused mid-rant. “You’re actually listening today?” Caught me off guard! Felt good, actually. Didn’t fix Brenda, but hey, progress.
Day three tackled “Do Small Nice Things”. Saw their car was almost empty on gas. Drove it to the station before work and filled it. No fanfare, just left a post-it: “Gas tank isn’t haunted anymore.” Got a text later: “DID YOU?! Thank you!” Simple. Effective. Cheaper than flowers.
Where It Got Tricky
Then hit the harder ones. “Say Sorry Properly” stung. We bickered over chores. I snapped “FINE, I’ll do the stupid dishes!” Like a child. Later, took a breath. Sat down: “Look, sorry I snapped earlier. I was stressed about work, not you doing chores. Shouldn’t have said it like that.” Huge difference from my usual grumpy “my bad”. They actually smiled. Small victory.
Tried “Ask For What You Need”. Felt vulnerable. Whispered “Can we just… sit and not talk for ten minutes after work? My brain’s fried.” They agreed! Ten minutes of quiet sitting. Magic. Less exhausting than pretending I wasn’t tired.
The Unexpected Part
The real kicker? “Thank Them Out Loud”. Noticed they refilled the soap dispenser. Random, right? Just said “Hey, thanks for filling the soap!” while brushing teeth. Got a weird look. “Seriously? The soap?” Laughed. “Yeah, the soap! It’s full. Nice.” Became a running joke – thanking each other for totally mundane stuff. Fridge light works? “THANKS!” Sounds silly, but it lightened things up. Less taking things for granted.
Where I’m At Now
Not gonna lie, I still forget some days. That last one, “Genuine Curiosity”? Hard! Asking “how was your day?” with real interest instead of just waiting for my turn to talk. Takes effort. Still working on it.
Overall though? Starting super small was key. Noticing the pasta, really hearing about Brenda, filling the gas tank… it piled up. Feels less like rocket science and more like… paying better attention and grumbling less. Sometimes I slip back into old habits, sure. But catching myself faster now. Is our relationship suddenly perfect? Nah. But definitely feels a bit lighter, a bit warmer. Like changing the batteries in a dim flashlight. Not magic, just practical stuff anyone can try. No promises, but hey, might be worth filling up someone’s gas tank.